Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. by Caissie St. Onge

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Title: Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever.
Author: Caissie St. Onge
Release Date: May 10, 2011 (paperback)
Publisher: Ember
Pages: 240
Source: ARC provided by publisher

Overall: 3.5 Stars

For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.) Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant. So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism. Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do?

Fans of the Vladmir Tod Chronicles, You are So Undead to Me, and Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side will feast on this deliciously readable, smart, and fantastically funny debut.

My Thoughts:
I essentially took one look at the cover, flipped to the back of the novel to read the plot description and then instantly started reading it! I know dystopian is steadily taking over as the next big thing, but I still can't resist vampire novels... especially when it looks like I'll be getting some laughs in as well!

Contrary to popular belief, vampirism is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sure, there are rich, beautiful and powerful vampires out there but Jane Jones and her family are anything but. Her caring mother is overprotective at times; her father spends his days working at a factory struggling to earn enough money because he's never at the same job long enough to get a promotion; and her younger brother is much more smarter than his human age would ever tell.

As for Jane, herself? The title of "worst vampire ever" would definitely be a fitting description but her bubbling, fun personality should definitely count for something! Jane is extremely allergic to blood except one super rare type that's really expensive, so she can only drink minimal amounts at a time. She's always in a weak state, works harder than most in her school work, and definitely deserves a pat on the back in comfort for some of the embarrassing situations she finds herself in. Even though she's several decades old, she still very much acts and thinks like a human teenage girl!

The actual storyline and some of the characters, especially the two romantic interests Eli and Timothy, aren't as well-developed as I might have normally liked but instead of lingering too much on those thoughts... I kind of just went with it. It's not a novel to be taken too seriously, so I felt it was okay to sort of nod along and accept things as they came by. Timothy fits under the usual handsome, brooding and protective vampire category while Eli is so awkward at times, it's adorable! It was fun to see two polar opposite boys suddenly developing feelings for our dear old Jane.

Caissie St. Onge's debut novel offers a comedic take on the vampire genre in ways that will leave you uncontrollably smiling and rolling your eyes at the silliness! It's a fun read that will pass the time quickly and one that you'll easily find entertaining!

Thanks so much to Random House Canada for sending me this review copy!

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  1. It sounds really good, and I like that you mention it's funny but that you sort of have to to just go with it.

    :) It sort of reminds me of this kid's book called Mom and Dad, Vampire - which is about a kid who lives the suburban live with his vampire parents without even knowing what they are for the most part.

    It sounds like it has the same kind of sweet feel to it.

    anyway, great review!

  2. Ohhhh, I've never heard of that book before Alex! lol, you would think a kid would figure out sooner that his parents weren't human... ^.~

  3. Aww this one sounds fun! Especially since all the vampire books nowadays are so intense. I've stopped reading vamp books because I'm just so tired of them but I might give this one a try!